”“Are you a doctor? Am I in a hospital? Where am I? How did I get here?”“No, I’m not a doctor. I’m a registered nurse with eleven years of combat medic experience. You are in my home on Spearhead Mountain. I brought you here after I found you nearly dead at the old campsite where you had been attacked by a bear.”“Spearhead Mountain? Where is that?”“Colorado ... Can you tell me where you’re from?”“I’m from ... I mean, I live... I can’t remember where I live. What’s wrong with me!”“You’ve suffered a concussion from the many blows you received in a bear attack. You told me that your Jeep had washed away in a flash flood. You didn’t have any identification on you when I found you and there was none in any of your bags which were strewn over the campgrounds.”“I feel like I’m naked under this sheet. Are you sure it’s okay to just let go? I need to pee so bad ... I can’t hold it any longer.”“Just relax and let it go. I’ll make sure you’re clean and dry afterwards.”“I’m so. And I can't say I mind.From all of which you wouldn't be surprised to know that I have Scottish antecedents. Incidentally, if you're one of those picky people who insist it should be spelled Ewan, please forgive me if I gently ask you to fuck off and mind your own business.My ain folk spell it with two e's, as do many other Scots. It's Gaelic, and comes from E? gann, which, my grandpa told me, was a form of John. Later, I discovered it more probably came from Eugene.And just to show that I'm not a completely pompous prick, here's a joke against myself I've only just remembered.One day at school, at the end of term, we had to write a couplet about the name of a classmate. We drew names from a hat.Peter Bannister, now a well-known writer in the States, drew my name. What he wrote got him in deep shit with the class teacher and the headmaster."You've a very long name, young Jock McLintock,And when you grow up, 'twill match your thin cock."Something like that. Not exactly your perfect.
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